A few days ago a friend of mine, Antonio, asked me what I was doing artistically as of late. I told him I was too busy planning my wedding to have time to do anything artistic, but hopefully after the wedding I will slide back into the art world without clouded mind. The truth is…I just haven’t had the want to do it.After giving him my excuse he said, “I hope so, you’re a very good writer.”This sparked something in me. I need to just write or paint or draw whenever and however I can. When the creative bug bites (as it did this afternoon) I just have to scratch the itch.
I haven’t written in a very long time. It has almost been an entire year. 2013 was kind of a tough one. In January, after breaking my thumb, my doctor discovered I had a benign bone tumor called an enchondroma which needed to be removed and filled with bone graft. I was in a removable cast for 6 months and also a temporary south paw. I then, after losing weight from post surgery and running too much, discovered a lump in my right breast that had to be removed (non-cancerous!). Shortly after, Kelso died (our family dog and my best friend). My last piece of writing occurred a few days after he passed. A few months later, I lost my job and then our family cat, Jynx, died.
I guess all of that stunted my creativity. You could call it writer’s block, maybe depression. But I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I painted only a couple paintings (once I got my right hand working again).
Now don’t get me wrong, there were great things that happened last year too! Danny and I got engaged! I ran my first 5K, then I ran my second 5k. I took my first trip on a plane. I was an alumni guest speaker at my college. I found a new job!The point is that I used to be able to write any time of day about anything. It was usually angry, short and to the point. I just got it out of my system and into one of my many notebooks. It was just something I needed to do to function. I could just throw together works of art. My creativity poured out of me like hot lava onto paper and took on lives of its own.I hate that this doesn’t happen anymore. Maybe I am too busy, too tired, too something to even bother to put the energy into it. I really want this creativity back. I can’t seem to open my mind like I used to. I need to find that ability again.
Slowly but surely I think I am finding my creative self again. Little things push me to open a door that has been shut for only God knows how long. Comments like Antonio’s nudge the door a little, showing that light on the other side. It is a beautiful light that is dying to break down the door. It is warm and bright, it makes beautiful things. It also has patience and is encouraging. Hm…somehow I am describing God. He is the the greatest artist after all.
Oh…and thanks Tony. ❤
Sandi Fairbanks 